The Pain...

Lance Armstrong beat cancer. He's now very famous for his LIVESTRONG campaign and for the saying "Pain is temporary, quitting lasts forever." I hate this saying everyday. Today, I hate it more than most days.

I have pain everyday, as I'm sure a lot of people do. Mine has been long lasting, so far undiagnosed, hard core, never quitting PAIN! A few years ago while training, I heard a POP in my foot, and it has never been the same. Over three years of constant pain in my ankles and feet have lead to back pain, knee pain, and many many days of frustration.

I'm not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me. That is never my intention. I work through the pain. When I hear that pain is temporary, it only fuels my anger and my need to beat the pain. I don't quit, but not because quitting lasts forever, just because it's not in me to quit.

On days that my pain is worse than others, I'm hard to talk to, hard to deal with, quiet.... Not because I want to be, but because on some of these days, I let the pain take over. I'm working my hardest to make those days go away. You see, being difficult and pissed off doesn't make me feel better. It's quite the opposite actually. 

For the last three days I have allowed my pain to consume my mood. Some could say I have done this because the pain has been worse in the last three days than it has been in a very long time. It's unexplained as to why these flare ups happen, but I'm working on my reaction to them. If I can't control my pain, I have to control the way I deal with it. I won't allow it to take over my day to day life...

I have resigned myself to the fact that pain is inevitable for me on most days. Although sometimes it's worse than others, it's always on my mind. I'm always cautious of what I'm doing or how I'm moving to try to keep it to a minimum, but it's always there. The suffering is the part that doesn't have to be there. I have worked through my pain before and can do it again, but I only suffer from it when I allow it to take over my life OUTSIDE of it.

I make my own decisions on how I act. I will decide when I get to go to the gym. I will decide when I get to go out with my friends. I won't allow myself to be brought down by something I haven't found a way to control yet.

Everyday I get a little better at dealing with this ongoing pain. I have some slip ups when it gets unexpectedly worse, and to those who have felt the backlash of this, I'm sorry. I'm working on it. To those of you who understand what I mean, I'm sorry too.... Pain is not  fun thing to deal with, but don't let it consume you. Be you, be strong, and get better... Maybe the pain won't get better, but you can get better at how you deal with it. Taking out your frustration by being mad at yourself or others doesn't help. I'm a pro at doing that, and it only makes things worse....



Give yourself credit where it is due. Small steps forward are still steps in the right direction. I bet if you dig deep enough, you'll find out that you're stronger than you think. Kick the ass of the pain. Get stronger everyday, and one day, maybe we can find out that pain IS temporary.