I'm Back

It's been well over a year since I've written a blog, and I have to say, I am pretty disappointed in myself. Working on this blog meant more to me than I think I was willing to admit to myself. It was sort of like my therapy, something to keep me balanced, but more importantly, it kept me accountable to myself.

Today, I read through my blog, and I cried. I mean I really sobbed. The kind of crying that happens when tears are rolling down your cheeks and your nose is running uncontrollably. I cried for my hardships and I cried for my triumphs. I cried because I was proud of myself for all that I accomplished and for all that I've lost. I cried because I remember the feeling of being so proud of myself and how enlightening of a feeling that is! I cried because my blog was so awesome! I could hardly believe I had written it all! I still haven't decided if my tears were happy tears or tears of sadness. They were happy for how amazing this journey was for me and for being able to look back at that time in my life and see so many positive changes in my body and in my spirit, but it was sad to see that I let such an amazing person (myself) fall by the wayside. I stopped practicing all of my great habits, like hitting the gym regularly, eating as well as I could, and making time for myself. Things that genuinely make me happy. I put them aside because I let promises and commitments to others come ahead of promises I have made to myself. I allowed excuses back in. I let life get in the way of MY LIFE and I'm ready to take it back.

I'm tired of being tired. I'm bored of watching TV. Drinking and staying up late just isn't fun anymore. And guess what? All of that bad food that I was allowing myself, WASN'T ALL THAT GOOD! My best meals in life have come after hard work, never after a long night of drinks with friends.

I'm ready to bring back the me that I love. I don't care who wants "the fun Ange", or "the party Ange", or "the Workaholic Ange". I'm ready for the real me.... the best me. I'm not exactly sure where that will take me, but I know it's not here. I can truly say some of  my happiest moments were right after a great workout, or after a week of really clean eating and sitting to enjoy a cheat meal that I had worked for! So I'm doing this for me AGAIN. I know I said I would never go back, but life got the best of me for a little while.

The changes that have happened in the last couple of years are astonishing. Looking back, when I started this blog I was dating a really great guy, who I thought I would spend the rest of my days with. I have been happily single for over a year now, a decision I made for myself and have never regretted I owned a bar, which I have since sold, and am happy to be an EMPLOYEE again, even though it is still managing and running the day to day operations, life is less stressful. Angela and I are no longer living together. Our house was sold and she is actually thinking about making a move out west to be with her new boyfriend. All of these things are different, but I am still the same. My desire to be the better me is still there, it has just been overshadowed by a few of life's obstacles and covered up by a few extra pounds over the last year or so.

So here I go again! On a journey, not for weight loss, or any other one thing. On a journey to make myself as happy as I once was, again! So getting back in shape is a part of it! I could definitely afford to tighten back up a little (ok, a lot). Getting my head back in the game is the biggest part though. Remembering the long term effects of my actions, and keeping my eyes on the prize. Giving myself my happiness back... I like the sound of that!