You Can't Call Me THAT

Until recently I would have had a difficult time thinking on the spot about a bad quality in myself... and that's not because I think I'm perfect by any means, but because it's difficult to think of. Try it. Think, if a stranger asked you what your worst quality is, what is your response? Mine, I now know, is that I can be inconsistent.

I have been one of these people who sets their mind to something, goes full force at it, hits a bump in the road and sort of fades away. I didn't ever think this of myself until I was saying that I wanted to lose this weight and going on and on about how I am always trying and I don't know why it's not happening... blah, blah, blah... Ange pipes up, being the excellent roomie that she is, and says "Your problem is you're too inconsistent." Just like that...BANG. At first I was offended. How could someone say I was inconsistent? "What do you mean?" was the only response I could muster up. "Well, you eat well, you work out, you sleep well, have your cheats, keep on a good schedule and then you don't. You stop. You stop putting yourself first."

It didn't take me long to ponder this statement. I always put someone or something ahead of myself whether it's my family, a friend, my dog, the business, there's always something that goes ahead. I think that I'm being selfish by going to the gym instead f hitting up dinner at my mom's, or if I'm talking to a friend who's having a rough day and I only have an hour, I don't call them back and go do my thing.... I listen and chat it out. I'm not saying these are bad things either, but when you allow it to happen too often, it takes a toll on goals you may have set for yourself.

It is true that success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out...but what happens when I can't make time? In the past, I would feel awful about it and forget about what I had been trying to achieve, immediately throwing in the towel and chalking it all up to myself being a huge failure. Let my fear of failure take over and instead of picking myself up after I stumble and allowing myself the opportunity to fail.

 Now I find that if I don't have the time, I switch my days off, or if I cheat at a time that I shouldn't, I just continue to eat clean instead of throwing it all out the window. It sounds easy, but it's not. My mind is a weird place! Failure is a hard thing for me to face and when you're as hard on yourself as I am, an extra scoop of peanut butter or skipping a workout can mean game over! I am learning to get over that. The fears that have consumed me were once what caused me to fail without me even knowing it!

Consistency is huge. Keep doing the small things and they will add up. Congratulate yourself for passing on dessert or making it to the gym 4 times this week. Hold yourself accountable for your own actions as well, but also remember that we're all human. Mistakes happen and we all fall off of the path we have set out for ourselves, but sticking to it even when it's tough is what will lead to the ultimate prize. No one said it would be easy... Just remember that it will be worth it!

Maybe from now on I will have a hard time thinking of my worst quailty again... Look out inconsistency, I'm coming for you!