2007 was a BaD yEaR!!!!

Friends who are close to me have more than likely heard me say "2007 was a bad year." This is usually followed by a head shake and a smile because 2007 was the year I was my heaviest. The head shake is for obvious reasons, but the smile is because after this statement is made, I usually have to show people the pictures of 2007. Friends, co-workers, and even some family members are always responding by telling me that they can't remember me 50 lbs heavier.


50 lbs is a lot of weight. It's heard for me to even admit that I was that much heavier. Just last week, I was at the Group Health Center and had to go to the x-ray department... this is where I used to work in 2007.


As I approach the desk, I immediately recognize the face of the woman behind it. Judy and I used to work together. I go up to chat with her and we talk about my new business venture, how things are going, her grandchildren, and then it hits her. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOURSELF?" She looks like she's been struck by an intense revelation, and I begin to sweat. "What do you mean?" Although I am pretty sure that I know what she means, I hold out hope that maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she hasn't noticed how much weight I've lost. "Come over here and let me see you... My God! How much weight have you lost? You look great!"


To someone else, this may be flattering. I hate it. In no way do I mean to be offensive to anyone who has said this to me over the years. I truly do appreciate your compliments and I understand that you genuinely are congratulating me on a job well done, but it makes me feel more embarassed than proud. People are always telling me that I should be proud of how far I've come, but I always think that I never should have been that heavy to begin with. This always reminds me that I allowed myself to become so unhealthy, so sedentary, and so careless with my own body that I went from being an athlete who was in great shape to a couch potato who smashed any food in sight without so much as a thought about it... NOT GOOD! 




Me in 2007, the one on the left 

This being said, I realize that it took a lot of hard work to get myself to where I am today. For that hard work, I congratulate myself. I congratulate myself for taking the first steps toward living a better life all the way back in January of 2009, but most of all I congratulate myself for keeping it up and learning how to make better choices and for gaining control of my life.

Me about 6 monhs ago stomping grapes! 
Only full body picture I could find 

Now on to why I am embarassed. I think the true reason is that for as hard as you have to work to take the weight off, you also have to work pretty hard to put it on. The statement about weight being easy to put on and hard to take off is BULL to me. I know what you have to do to gain 40 lbs or so. You have to ALLOW it to happen. You have to let yourself go. You have to think so little of yourself that you don't ever think of how you are treating your body because you do not care.


Every bag of chips I ate, every stop at McDonald's, every request for extra mayonaise and every bit of baking I filled my face with was a conscious decision on my part. I always decided that it was okay. I constantly told myself, "Well, you've come this far, what are you going to do about it now? Might as well enjoy yourself. You've waited this long, the diet can wait until Monday. You deserve this last piece of cake. Once this diet starts, you'll never have cake again!" But then it's a friend's birthday, or Christmas is coming up and no one can diet in December, or you're not feeling well, the list goes on and on and it's a year later, you're far heavier than you want to be, and the beginning of that diet is nowhere in sight!


These are concepts that only people who have battled with their weight can understand. If you think I'm nuts, consider yourself lucky! That means you've never had to battle with being unhappy with your weight. I'm sure there have been other things, but you've steered clear of this one because anyone with weight loss issues has felt this way... Or maybe you just haven't admitted it to yourself yet. I went through that phase too. I convinced myself that I was totally fIne with the way I looked and felt. Admitting that you're not satisfied is probably the hardest part, but as you begin to lose the weight you will realize it is also the most satisfying. For me it meant that I got to show myself what I was really capable of and I continue to do that today. For anyone who is thinking about making a positive change in diet and exercise, please know that this feels WAY better than any food can taste!

So 2007 was a bad year because I allowed it to be, and 2009 was the beginning of a kick ass year because I made it that way, and 2012 is going to be my best year yet. Do what you want... but make it what you REALLY want! And start RIGHT NOW! Even if you ate donuts, cookies, bacon, sausage and belgian waffles with extra whipped cream for breakfast, don't let it wait another day. It has to start somewhere.... Let it be right now! Don't wait for "Monday" to come. As for those of you who have begun, keep it up. There are bumps in the road, but nothing can be bad enough to let you go back down a path of destruction against yourself with food as the main weapon! Keep rockin' it out! Results will come and that is AWESOME!


As for me, I'm still mad at myself for letting my weight get so out of control, but I'm proud that I have decided to continue the journey and I know that getting from where I was to where I am right now has changed me as a person. It helped me to see what I am really made of and who I really am, so for that I am pretty thankful. I have also realized that you have to dig really deep sometimes and go through some pretty crappy stuff to get what you really want, but the stuff that's really worth it is never easy.